Monday, February 27, 2012

Anonymous Confessions

I was just thinking about how often we hide parts of ourselves from the world, especially when we hold ourselves to a high standard. As a mother, I am constantly holding myself to a standard I could never achieve.  If I could put down the top 3 things I often feel guilty about it would be:

1.  Showing my anger in front of my kids (especially when they push me to my limit).

2.  Allowing my children to watch shows and movies (even when it is a little bit, I feel guilty).

3.  Feeding my kids foods that are processed because I know they will eat it.

I'm not saying that we live out of boxed foods, that they watch tv all day long, or that I walk around my house yelling at my kids (not that I haven't had my share of those moments).  I feel it is important that I put myself out there for you and for myself.  Part of building a community is by allowing ourselves to show our weaknesses as well as our strengths.  I believe through our most vulnerable moments, we can deeply connect to others and be filled spiritually.

I want to start a regular blog post where we can post our guilt all in one place.  Let down your guard and take a real moment for yourself and for this community.  Through all our imperfections, we will see that we don't all have the answers and that we make similar mistakes.

These confessions can be related to motherhood, green living, spousal relationships, work relationships, personal failures or ANYTHING!  Post anonymously or post your identity, it doesn't matter.  All that matters is that you are real and you support each other.

Are you up for the challenge?

Peace and love,

Jen Starks, Owner ecologicalbabies@gmail.com574.275.1235


Anonymous said...

Today, I let my son stay in his crib longer than I should have just to "finish" a project and feel like I got something done today. Poor guy had a poopy diaper and ended up with a rash from it sitting on him too long. Boy I felt like crap when I came in to discover this.

Angela said...

I sometimes feel guilty about those same three things. One thing I learned early in motherhood, though, is that giving of yourself and of of your time is what's most important to kids.
Knowing that I do that consistantly helps me brush of the guilt when it comes.

Julia said...

I can relate to all three. Luckily, our tv broke the other day, so I don't have to feel guilty about that anymore. Also, I feel guilty when I can't give her or my husband my full attention because I'm busy doing school work, cleaning, or doing a me-time project.

Melissa said...

For going back to work. One of the few things that really eats at me. :(

michelle bachmanpppp]]] said...

I feel guilty about my "school work" with my 4 year old. He has almost no interest in abc 123 (some but as soon as he's onto me the jig is up) and I don't want to hand him over to preschool until this fall. People express how amazing speech therapy is. I'm fairly certain he will learn to read and write and do algebra. I have this small window of baby years that he's already wrangling out of. But then a 3 year old comes over articulating the details of her wedding beautifully and reading words that I feel like I can't win.

I feel guilty that he is aggressive. That he constantly wants to hit and wrestle. I hate that my brother and sister in law judge me for it. (sobbing Jen) He hurt his brother one time and had a smirk about it And I smacked it off his face. Lots of guilt there.

I feel guilty that I have no nighttime parenting skills and am awake every hour or two with a one year old. I'm so tired I could fall on my face and so frustrated I could pull my hair out. But say nothing to no one because the solution is to hear him cry.

I feel guilty that I have no interest in sex. I love him dearly. I think being a milk cow and meeting the two kids needs all day I see it as a chore. Kinda like sitting in yoga writing a shopping list. If you can't connect it's a bust. I make a point of having sex at least once a week and try for more but Exhaustion rears its ugly head.

I wish I had more one on one time with each member of my family. Including me.

I feel guilty that I'm not taking on more work projects. I. Cut back from adding work at home mom to the plate because I was spread too thin.

I feel guilty I'm not exploring more books on parenting: hitting and sleeping. I read no cry sleep solution with baby #1 and didn't care for it.

I have so much guilt Jen, the processed food and tv don't even rank. I'm going to spare you the rest.

I could write a lengthy what I'm proud of comment. Let me know when we get there.

Anonymous said...

I suffer from depression and it's noticeably worse during the long winter months. I know I'm a good mom. Hell, I'm a great mom! There are days, though, that I only get dressed right before anyone gets home from school/work just so they don't know I've been doing nothing in my pj's all day. Even with meds during this time of year, I'm not at my best and I worry about how that gets internalized by my kids.