Monday, January 28, 2013

Our Children & Their Successes/Failures (Not Mine!)

Lately, I have been struggling as a mom.  Stretched thin by having my husband out of town 2 weekends in a row and my approaching 3rd trimester, I haven't been presenting my best self.  And unfortunately, my best self is mostly shown in my public life rather than my private.  :(

I am a person who desperately wants peace in this world, to be a strong part of community building, and to reconcile with those around me.  Yet, I am most challenged in finding that peace within my home with my kids.  It is eating me up.

I realize too that my kids are also playing a role in this.  I swear we have still not recovered from our Christmas break as many of our routines and new activities only picked up last week.  My daughter seems to definitely thrive with routines.  Since we're still getting back into it, she has simple been up and down like a ping pong ball, so excitable and not shining in her 5 year old way.

Today was a much better day and it dawned on me that today I also experienced many more proud moments in my children.  I saw more improvement in them and felt more in control of our day.

But is that fair to them or even myself to claim a good day when my children make good choices?  Is this really going to benefit our mental health when this is how I gauge a good or bad day?  Perhaps I am putting too much pressure on my daughter and exasperating the situation.  If she has those days where she drives everyone crazy, maybe I shouldn't feel so responsible for her actions.  If she does well though, it's not my success but hers.  Certainly, I can feel proud of her.

I'm not sure I am making complete sense to any readers out there.  Reflecting on this tonight has helped me spiritually understand my recent struggles and to let go of my feelings of being a failure as a mom.  It is creating a new space for more peace to fill in and bring out my better self in my private life.

Do you connect with this identification of feeling like a success or failure based on the behaviors of your children?

With new found peace,

Jen Starks, Owner

No comments: