Fostering Cooperation Through Attachment

I'm currently reading this fantastic book called "Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected"  by Susan Stiffelman, (MFT) and highly recommend you find a copy to read. I have to admit that I have read through many parenting books, especially when I feel a bit in crisis as a mom.  Rarely however, do I come across a book where I agree enough with the concepts to read through the book in its entirety. This might even end up in my permanent parenting resource section on my bookshelf.

One of Stiffelman's basic concepts is the power of a parent (aka the "Captain of the Ship" who creates an environment of safety and steadiness) to form a healthy, strong attachment or connection with their children. When our kids feel truly connected to us and feel like we are coming alongside them rather than at them, they are much more receptive to us.  This also applies to our marriage, co-workers, extended family members, friends, etc!  Stiffelman has 6 Stages of Attachment she lays out (proximity, sameness, belonging/loyalty, significance, love, & being known) to develop a more closer connection.   I'm not going to go in great detail of the contents of each of these stages but it would certainly make another great blog post!

As I reflect on some of the issues I'm having with both my 5 y.o. daughter (sharing issues, sneaking behind my back) and 3 y.o. son (dealing with frustrations), I'm realizing that I can help manage our issues simply by being more present and empathetic to them and working on our personal relationship.  Hooray that it can be as straightforward as this.  Now, we all know that this isn't always easy, especially when we are tired, rushed, occupied, or in the midst of a tantrum (hello, my daily existence!).  But it's in the calm moments later that we can work a bit more to let them know we are hear to listen, learn from them, be with them, and love them unconditionally.  Then we are able to prevent more issues in the future.

Are you feeling connected with your kids right now?  What are some of your favorite ways to spend quality time with them?

Inspired,

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com
574.275.1235

Halloween Tales from Crunchy Mama

My Witches Brew (Jambalaya)!

Instead of focusing on all the Halloween candy my children are going to consume (already have consumed!) and all the wrongs of Halloween from a mom who primarily tries to focus on good health, today I am savoring that "sweet joy" (pun intended) my kids have over a holiday I have outgrown.  One of my favorite parts of motherhood is being able to enjoy events and places by watching my kids enjoy it...living through them.  It reminds me of our Disney trips and Christmas mornings.  I've found renewed enjoyment watching my kids captivated and entranced by all the excitement and mystery.

I'm wearing two hats today (actually 3 if you count my witch's hat!).  One- I want my kids to still be healthy and not just bouncing off the walls in excitement over sugar.  I've prepared healthy meals in between the sugar highs and am going to make sure they are bundled up for trick or treating (it's cold and rainy here).

The second hat is the one where I let things go and have fun with WITH them.  This is not always easy for me.  I get wrapped up in my "To Dos", meal preparation, cleaning, working, etc.  Today, we're having fun together and sharing memories.

Despite all the fun, I realized how normal making Halloween "greener".  I cringe at all those individually wrapped candies filling the trash cans (or blowing in the wind while trick or treating), all the chocolate that has been made from exploiting children , and expensive costumes only to be worn once.

Sometimes I am not conscious of the ways I've become accustomed to sustainable choices but here are some I can think of for this holiday:

1.  Second-hand costumes- Nope, I'm not mother of the year with a handmade and sewn outfit for each of my kids.

2.  We are re-gifting candy.  Unopened candy that for some reason makes its way into our house (especially suckers!).  My kids receive candy, I say we can have them later, and then they disappear into a bucket.  Now I have a bucket full of candy.

3.  Tonight's dinner is from the crockpot.  Not only does it use less energy, it makes dinner prep more manageable so I can focus on other activities and preparations, AND it's warm and healthy!

4.  Our kids reuse their little Easter baskets that are little market baskets made with fair labor practices.  I skip the plastic pumpkin and don't just designate the baskets for any holiday.  In fact, we often use it to collect "treasures" when we're on outings.

5.  Pumpkins-Instead of going big on the pumpkins, I've convinced my kids (ok, coerced a little!) that the medium sized pumpkins are the best and whatever one they pick, they have to be able to carry it from the patch to at least the hayride wagon.  Our pumpkins are from an organic farm I worked on (Bertrand Farm) which supports local sustainable agriculture and economy, while also providing us with some delicious pumpkins.  We'll be able to use these pumpkins for lots of recipes, which I've recently become a bit obsessed with since I've been pregnant.

Post Halloween:

1.  After Halloween, my responsible mama hat comes back on.  With the exception of a few favorites, their candy will leave the house.  There are 2 ways I am debating on doing this:
               A. Candy for the Troops- Some dentists collect candy and trade it for a prize or some small dollar  
                    amount.  Then the candy is shipped overseas for our troops. To find out if there is a dentist in
                    your area that participates in this, click here.
              B.  The Halloween Fairy- The kids put their candy out somewhere designated by you, and then in  
                    the morning there is a small gift (game/activity/toy) waiting for them. (I'm personally leaning
                    toward the one for the troops but can see how the fairy one could be fun)

While I think it is a great idea to not just focus on candy for Halloween, I still think this is the essence of the holiday.  When I think of my childhood, I am very fond of our trick or treating and sorting/trading candy after.  I am definitely going to make sure that treats and junk food is not the focus of other upcoming holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and so on).  And if you hand out something besides candy this year, cheers to you!

Getting ready to watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown",

Jen   :)


Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com 
574.275.1235

Attachment Parenting: Birthday Parties & Instilling Gratitude

Well, I survived my daughter's 5th birthday party (see last post!).  We all had a great time with only a few minor glitches.  But there were some great memories being made and I know my daughter will remember her 5th birthday with many fond memories.

When I sent out the online invitations, I wanted to stress that gifts were optional. I knew of course that some would want to bring a gift anyhow, but I didn't want to make that a requirement for coming over to play and having fun.

Since I wanted that to be clear, I had also decided that we were going to skip opening any presents during the party.  That was one of the best decisions I think I made for the party for a number of reasons.  First of all (and most importantly), I didn't want anyone to feel badly about not bringing a gift, while my daughter ecstatically opened gifts from other friends.  Secondly, it is REALLY hard to watch someone open a ton of gifts when you arein the 2-5 years old range.  (Yes, she received a lot of gifts, despite my message.)  Thirdly, I didn't want Rita Clare to just rip through her gifts in a craze without really noticing who gave her what, and to also really enjoy or savor each gift.  As a parent, that is really not pleasant to witness in my own child. Finally, I didn't want that to be the focus of the party nor my daughter's primary focus.  

After the party was over, I was faced with another decision.  Do I let her open all her gifts at once or just a few at a time.  My husband just wanted her to get it over at once (especially since my 2 year old had to watch her open all these gifts).  But after opening a few, I realized that I wanted her to try to slow down for her own benefit.  We stopped and actually opened the packaging of the gifts and played with them for awhile together.  Perhaps I'm being too strict or holding back more of the thrill of tearing open gifts.

After the novelty wore out, she was ready for more.  I decided that this was an opportunity for her to learn a kesson in gratitude and patience, so I suggested that we make some "Thank You" cards before we opened more.  At first she wasn't thrilled.  But then once I told her that I would help her and that she was able to use her new markers, crayons, and stickers to decorate them, she was happily on board.

It was a great moment for us while we made these cards together.  I listed off some of the people whose gifts she'd opened and let her pick the card recipient.  She picked out the paper color while I described the gift that this particular person gave her.  In her card, she thought about the gift and that person and then drew them a picture on the front and inside. I wrote Thank You and a little note, while she signed her cute little 5 year old name on the back.  Once it was completed, I put them in an envelope and helped her mail them off.

I personally thought she gained more insight in receiving gifts and the thoughtfulness of each person who came to her birthday to bring her a present.  Funny enough, she still has some gifts sitting on the table waiting to be opened.  She's been able to draw out more of her birthday experience this way, and I have been personally proud of her enthusiasm and willingness to show gratitude to her friends and family.

Grateful,

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com 
574.275.1235

Self-Imposed High Standards-Part 1

These past couple weeks I have been brainstorming and planning my daughter's 5th birthday party which is happening next Sunday.  Everyday since I started, I have been feeling more and more stressed about its approaching date.  It's clear that I am not a natural party planner.  And the day of the party?  I'm at my peak of stress.  I do this to myself.  It's not so much that I plan too many details or that I go overboard with everything.  It's that I hold myself to extremely high standards of how I think the party should go and as a result, prevents me from getting things ready. Let me know if you can relate to this.

Food for instance.  I typically don't give my kids foods loaded with sugar, avoid highly processed food, try to avoid artificial dyes, and make many things from scratch.  When planning, I try to implement the same level of stringency at the party too.  What's the result?  It's more effort and strain, it's more expensive, and it feels overwhelming.  I also feel this extra pressure to make my daughter's cake.  Not just make a simple cake...but an impressive one. One that people will pin on their board and "oooo" and "ahhh" about.

Well, I had to let that go.  I ordered a cake from my favorite bakery and everyone will probably love it.  It's one thing I don't have to stress over the night before.  Plus, I am awful at baking and decorating cakes.  I felt such a great relief after I hung up the phone from placing my cake order. Instead, I will also be making cupcakes with my daughter the day before and having her cover them with rainbow sprinkles.  She'll be proud and they will look cute next to my cake from the bakery.  That's something she will remember when thinking back on her birthday party.  They have lots of sugar in them and lots of dyes.  I'm letting that internal battle go and refuse to feel guilty (should be my mantra these days!).

The rest of the food has me tripped up too.  Again, it is standards, budget, and trying to make it balanced with healthy and treat option.  Instead of doing a spread of only in season, organic foods and beverages, I am just going to do a few things and try to keep it simple.

Second is decorations.  There will not be cute Etsy placecards, vintage decor, and elaborate decorations throughout our house.  For weeks I have been pouring over Pinterest looking for super creative ideas and have certainly been impressed, even inspired.  In reality, I bought a few decorations based on her theme request and it will be just fine for her.  My kitchen will probably be a mess from getting everything together that day and all the leaves will not be raked from my backyard.  It's the reality and I can either stress about it and work EXTRA hard to make sure these get done, or I can accept it is not as important as feeling happy for my daughter during her birthday party.

I realized this weekend that my daughter could care less about these standards and that I was holding these standards based on internal pressures. I want certain things for my kids for their best health but also feel like I have an image I want to maintain (superficial one, that is!).

Throwing parties, making unique and memorable decorations and cute cut-out foods into cute designs, are just not life-giving for me. I wish they were. Sometimes putting pressure on myself to do better, putting forth more effort, and spending a little more money is completely worth it.  I think the key for me is whether it is life-giving or overwhelming.

When I put these pressures on myself and can't live up to them, I feel a sense of failure, as though this is something I should excel at, especially since I am a stay-at-home mom.  Domesticated activities just don't come naturally to me but I am learning and getting better.  I completely admit this!  Going on adventures, learning about the real world, making meals together, reading books and singing songs? Now we're talkin. :)

Do you hold yourself to high and sometimes unattainable standards?

From a humble undomesticated mom,

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com 
574.275.1235

Potty Training- Tyler's Progress Report

For some reason, there have been a number of my blogger friends who have written a post today about potty training.  I thought I'd build up some camaraderie and fill you in on how potty training (or learning) is going in our household.

Tyler initiated peeing on the potty a little over a month ago.  It all started when our babysitter did a very poor job in wiping his bum from his last diaper change before bed.  As a result, the poor guy had a very severe diaper rash when he woke up. :(  So for the next few days, I'd wait a while before I put on a fresh diaper between changes.  In the morning, I'd take off his diaper and just let him have some fresh air.

During one of these mornings, Tyler went into the bathroom and sat on the "froggy potty".  Instead of telling me he was going, he decided that bringing the little bucket of pee pee with a proud face was the way to go.  This brings such a smile to my face thinking about how he walked in announcing " I PEED, Mommy!"  I couldn't believe it.  That day, he was so into it, he probably peed on it 20 times-lol! Of course, most of the time, it was a little drop.

Ok, so this might be too much visual but check out that proud face!

Since then, he's had days where he had an accident almost every time he had the urge to go.  But overall, he's done great.  Using cloth diapers before potty training has made potty training so much more relaxing for a number of reasons:

1.  Dealing with an "accident" isn't a big deal because I feel more prepared. I've already carried around a change of clothes and a wet bag, since he was born. Instead of diapers, I have trainers. About a year ago,I wrote a blog post on ways to be prepared during potty training here. Of course, we have different trainers to recommend now!


2.  Instead of rushing Tyler into this process, I've let him take the lead.   I've come to understand that he will do this when he is developmentally ready not when other moms brag about their child or when the books say it is time.


3. I don't feel pressured to "save money" on pull-ups by forcing him into this stage. We've already paid for them! :)


4. Because he's been in cloth, I've been following his peeing/pooping record closely.  I pretty much know about when he pees, how much he pees, and how long he stays dry.


4.  Tyler is more prepared too.  He knows when he is about to go pee/poop and has had time to feel "wet" longer than if he weren't using cloth diapers.


5. He's still using his one-size diapers at night and even some of the Flip Trainers.  Unbelievably enough, he has been staying dry through the night too.  


I've learned that potty training is very different for each child.  My daughter was (is still in many regards) motivated by rewards and night time training was extended long after she was in underwear during the day.  Tyler could care less about any reward! 


What has/was potty training like for your kids?  Any stories you'd like to share?


In peace,

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com 
574.275.1235

La Leche League in Modern Times

My friend, Claire Sandler, has generously shared her journey with us from becoming a new mom to becoming a La Leche League Leader. Since there seems to be some negative stereotypes out there about the LLL, I approached her to write this about her personal experience with LLC in modern times. I'm pleased to hear that our local group in South Bend is growing and would love to have more info to share with our Tallahassee mamas. ~Jen

A Mama's Journey with LLL

Jen asked me to write a guest blog about the La Leche League of today, and I couldn’t be happier to do it, because La Leche League has been so important to my mothering journey. I’ve only had my own tiny experience with LLL, but there are women all over the world, over the past 60 years, who have had their own tiny experiences with La Leche League. I imagine that many of these are similar to my own, because although it’s become an internationally respected resource on breastfeeding, at its core it is still small groups of mothers supporting each other.

I was lucky to grow up in a liberal community where breastfeeding was the norm, however I wasn’t familiar with La Leche League until I was a young adult. I remember hearing some moms talking about it at work, and I later asked my own mother what it was. She said, “Those are the women who nurse for like 4 or 5 years.”  “Weird,” my know-it-all 23 year-old self thought. “That’s clearly not a group for me.”

Ten years later, when expecting my first baby, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t breastfeed her. I took a breastfeeding class at the hospital where I would deliver, and my husband and I were astounded to learn some benefits to breastfeeding that had never occurred to us: It protects babies from illnesses! It’s free! It’s convenient! It even protects mothers from breast and ovarian cancer! Amazing! The instructor (who is a LLL leader in addition to being a lactation consultant,) encouraged me to go to a LLL meeting. I wasn’t so sure about this, but I had a feeling I might need things to do as I adjusted to my new life as Mama, so I filed it away, still a bit wary of the extreme perspective I thought LLL might espouse.

Once Daisy was born I happily didn’t have any trouble initiating nursing, even after an emergency c-section and subsequent 2-hour separation, so I still wondered whether La Leche League was a group for me. But when she was 3 weeks old I nervously packed up my new diaper bag with whatever I imagined a mama might need and walked the distance to the library where the group met. When I entered the room, I was immediately at home. These were such lovely women—why hadn’t I been able to find women like these to befriend in my new community before? They were welcoming, kind, supportive, funny--what a joy! And although I somewhat uncomfortably saw toddlers nursing for the first time, I was able to look past that as I appreciated the fact that at the start of every meeting the leaders articulate that we should take from others’ experiences what works for us and for our families, and leave the rest. I guess my mom was misinformed about the requirement to nurse preschoolers!

The group only met once a month, which can be a lifetime in those early mothering days. I looked forward to the date on my calendar and slowly watched myself over the course of those months transform from a timid new mom into one of the seasoned mamas, offering my own experiences and support to others. We learn and grow so much and so quickly as new mothers; it felt important to be able to use what I had discovered to benefit more than just my own family.  Within these meetings, a community grew, and in turn my own community of friends grew—I felt a part of a larger experience and was able to make connections with other mothers and babies that continue today.

During this time I also became fascinated by the many benefits of breastfeeding and dismayed by the low numbers of breastfeeding success in our community and world. I realized that the reason La Leche League was founded and continues to be needed is because we no longer have the built-in support of experienced breastfeeding women all around us. Until the last century this was a part of mothering that was passed on informally. Young people grew up seeing babies nurse and there were mothers, sisters, aunts and friends to bounce questions off of: Why is my 3-month old nursing like a newborn? Why is my 6-month old waking again at night? Will it hurt when my baby gets teeth? What if big brother wants to start nursing again when the new baby comes? These issues and more are regular topics at LLL meetings—topics that I never knew existed until I was a nursing mother myself.

As I watched the LLL leaders gently talking with new mothers and as I continued to appreciate the ideas and information they shared with me, I thought this might be something I’d like to try. I worked with our local leaders and via email with leaders in other parts of the country to become an accredited volunteer leader shortly before Fiona, my second daughter, was born. Throughout this period, we sadly noticed that attendance at our meetings had plummeted to maybe one or two mothers. We wondered whether LLL meetings were necessary anymore in this age of so much information being available online and opportunities for mother-to-mother support available in the form of moms groups. I was unwilling to give up on meetings because of how important they had been in my early mothering days; I still felt there was a need for information-based breastfeeding support. So I decided to be proactive in advertising meeting topics and posting breastfeeding-related articles to our Facebook page. Amazingly, attendance almost immediately grew, and for the past two years we’ve been averaging between 15-20 moms at our morning meeting and 10-12 at our evening meeting! We also recently added a park playgroup and an additional morning meeting. Now we don’t have to wait the whole month to gather together with other fabulous breastfeeding mamas!

As a leader, my favorite moments at meetings are when I watch a formerly timid and overwhelmed new mom confidently and supportively share some information or expertise that I remember seeing her learn. It’s those moments that show me that the founding mothers in the 1950’s knew what mothers needed then, and still need today—“…to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.” In the rooms where these meetings occur, everyone is valued, everyone is listened to, and breastfeeding is the accepted norm. I like to envision the shared confidence in our choices moving out of those rooms into the community and the world, creating a more breastfeeding friendly society for mothers and babies everywhere.

http://lllofsouthbend.blogspot.com/p/links.html
https://www.facebook.com/pages/La-Leche-League-of-South-Bend/139461811766
http://www.lllofindiana.org/
http://www.themilkmap.com/themilkmap/
http://www.llli.org/

-Claire Sandler


Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com
574.275.1235

DIY Activity: Ping-Pong Family

I just came across this great craft that I MUST do as soon as I can get to the store to buy ping-pong balls.   This is a great activity that has so much versatility, great for role-playing and creativity.  The picture below is a different activity about "feelings" (also great idea!) but I couldn't find a picture besides this for a good example of what this project looks like.

Perfect for:
-Bathtime
-Wading Pool/Water Table
-Traveling in the car & trips in general
-Sand Play
-Quiet time in room
-Working out "real life encounters" with friends/family members by role playing
-Birthday gifts for child's friends


(Check out the link below the pic to learn more about the feelings activity for play therapy purposes.)

http://stlouiscenterforplaytherapytraining.blogspot.com/2011/11/grab-some-ping-pong-balls-permanent.html

You'll Need:

6-12 Ping-Pong Balls
empty egg carton (cardboard preferred)
permanent markers
poster paints (optional)

Directions:

Draw faces on the Ping-Pong balls to represent various family members (including pets). After letting the markers dry thoroughly, the Ping-Pong family is ready to move into their egg carton house, where they can be stored and transported.  The "house" can be decorated inside and out with poster paints.  Encourage your child to play with the Ping-Pong family and make up stories about them.  The permanent markers allow the "family" in bathtubs and wading pools.  New family or friends can be easily added.

*Activity was found in the book, Storytimes for two-year-olds by Nichols, Judy (pg. 86)

Have fun!

Peace,

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com 
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com
574.275.1235

Jen's Birth- 2nd Time Around

My birth preparation from my first to my second child were night & day.  So were their births!  Today, I am just going to share about my birth plan with Tyler.  Maybe some other day, I'll post Rita Clare's birth story.

This time around, I explore Hypno-birthing as a method for childbirth.  When I first heard the term, I thought it was hoaxy and imagined someone being hypnotized while in labor. Once we began our hypnobirthing classes and I watched the videos of those using this method, I even laughed at how ridiculous this could be. Was this just the few most successful births that they chose to use?  It was completely different than my 46 hour labor with my daughter, Rita Clare.

Here's what I did learn in my classes about hypnobirthing and the cd we listened to almost every night before we went to bed.  I learned different breathing methods to use at different points of your labor. I learned how to train my mind to trust your body and to remain completely relaxed through the birthing process.

Relaxed? During labor?  Seems crazy I know.  The funny thing about pain is that it is heightened when your body experiences adrenaline.  When you are fearful or tense, your body feels more pain.  And I can honestly say that I was "pain-free" until the last 25 minutes while I transitioned and birthed Tyler.

For 6 hours though, I literally laid in bed on my side, listening to Brian read my affirmations we practiced during our hypnobirthing classes, he held my hand or rubbed my feet, and I listened to the sound of rain outside and then inside with my sound machine.  I looked asleep but what I was actually doing is focusing my breathing, imagining my body moving Tyler down into the right position, and consciously relaxing all of my muscles.

Our midwives didn't believe I was as close to having Tyler as I was because I spoke calmly and sounded comfortable when they overheard me talking to my doula.  They came about 15 minutes before my water broke (from what I hear) and I had Tyler shortly thereafter.

There was a point at about 6 hours where I felt like I needed to use the bathroom.  Things intensified after I came back to my room, and it was moments after getting back into bed that my water broke. I remember Layla saying, "if you feel like you need to get into another position, this would be a good time."  I immediately went to the floor by the side of my bed and got down on my hands and knees.

It was very difficult to relax at this point but I stuck with the affirmations.  I could feel Tyler's head with my hands and I knew I would be holding my baby moments from now.  At this point, we are generally told to push the baby out.  But in hypnobirthing, you never push to move the baby out.  I continued to breath the way I was trained and then let my body naturally expel my baby at its own pace.  The worst part was that I kept getting cramps in my leg when I was on my hands and knees.  Leaning on my bed helped me extend my leg when I felt one coming on.  Ouch!

I had a mirror below me so I could see him as my contractions moved him.  Only a few contractions and some substantial pain later, Tyler came out and Layla scooped him up and gave him immediately to me.  She let me announce that he was a boy (we didn't find out prior) and boy did he cry loudly!

Yes, I did tear and was sewn up by Layla.  That and my post labor contractions to remove my placenta was the worst part of the process.  Apparently those contractions get worse with each child.  No fun!  I opted to wait until my umbilical cord had stop its blood flow to have Brian cut the cord.

It was wonderful being able to just go to sleep in my own bed with family taking care of me. Fortunately, I had Tyler at 12:31am and so we had until about 7am before Rita Clare woke up.  Our family doctor, Dr. John Ness, came to our house the next day to meet and check on Tyler's well-being.  All checked out well for both of us!

It was a blissful day and the birth experience beyond I could ever imagined.  I would never want to do it differently if I had a choice. If we have another baby, their birth will probably be different than Tyler's just as Rita Clare's had been different. I just hope it won't be too different though. ;)

Grateful for my midwives, doula, my family doctor, and my perfectly functioning body today,

Jen


Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com
574.275.1235

Benefits of Babywearing

I love how concise this description is for all the wonderful benefits of wearing your baby.  I consider it an essential item to have when your baby is born, ESPECIALLY if this is baby  number 2, 3, 4, or more.  We are happy to help you learn about how to use your sling- contact us if you are interested.

"Babywearing has become a 'growing' trend and we at Maya Wrap are thrilled to see more Moms and Dads keeping their little ones close and growing together! Well before it was a trend, we recognized the benefits of keeping your baby close during those first impressionable years! Wearing your baby in a baby sling or baby carrier has several benefits:

Less Crying - Babies who are carried cry less on average than those that are not. Research has shown that babies who are carried cry (on average) 43% less overall and 54% less during the evening hours (1).

Smarter Babies - Babies spend more time in a "quiet, alert state" when carried - the ideal state for learning. When carried, your baby sees the world from where you do, instead of the ceiling above his crib or people's knees from a stroller.This extra stimulation benefits brain development.

Emotional Development - Babies are able to develop a sense of security and trust when they are carried. They are more likely to be securely attached to their care-giver/s (2) and often become independent at an earlier age (3).

Physical Development - By being close to your body's rhythms, baby "gets in rhythm" much more quickly. Research has shown how this helps newborns (especially premature babies) to adapt to life outside the womb (4).

Helps with Post Partum Depression - Babies who are not held need more verbal interaction and eye contact, just to be reassured that you're there. Moms who may suffer from Post Partum depression will find that carrying their baby is a great way to connect with her (and provide stimulation too) without the "burden" of having to interact (5). Of course your baby is "right there" to enjoy whenever you feel like snuggling, kissing or talking. This is by no means a cure or solution for Post Partum Depression, always seek counsel from your physician first.

Eases the strain - Carrying your baby in a sling eases the strain on babies spine and your back!

1. Hunziker, U. A. and Barr, R, G. (1986). Increased carrying reduces infant crying: a randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 77, 641-8.
2. Anisfeld, E., Casper, V., Nozyce, M. and Cunningham, N. (1990). Does infant carrying promote attachment? An experimental study of the effects of increased physical contact on the development of attachment. Child Development, 61, 1617-1627.
3. Whiting, J. W. M. (1981). Environmental constraints on infant care practices. In R. H. Munroe, R. L. Munroe & B. B. Whiting (Eds.), Handbook of cross-cultural human development, New York: Garland STPM Press.
4. Ludington-Hoe SM, Swinth JY. (1996). Developmental aspects of kangaroo care. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, and Neonatal Nursing, 25, 691-703.
5. Pelaez-Nogueras M, Field TM, Hossain Z, Pickens J. (1996). Depressed mothers' touching increases infants' positive affect and attention in still-face interactions. Child Development, 67, 1780-92.

(Credit: The Babywearer)"

Information Taken from : https://www.mayawrap.com/l_babywearing.php

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com
ecologicalbabies@gmail.com 
574.275.1235

Mommy Moments- The Unexpected, The Endearing!

I tend to post a lot about motherhood.  Not as an expert but as something that I'm processing as I go along.  It's the most important job we have and often very tiring and perplexing.  Often we give so much of ourselves to our children without the expectation they will be grateful at the present.

 However, we are often gifted by unexpected moments.  I'm talking about those moments when your little one touches your soul and makes you feel connected to each other.  Maybe you have them all day long, maybe once a week.  Today, I had one.

My daughter came down after quiet time (aka a naptime without a nap), and brought down a bag full of "stuff" from her room.  These bags are often a mystery and usually filled to the brim.  She came into the kitchen where I was standing and talked about a little picture she had made for me.  She said, "This is a little picture you keep folded up and in your pocket. Whenever I'm not here and you are missing me, you can open it up and look at it.  Then you won't miss me as much!"

I feel grateful that she is growing up to be the little girl she is becoming.  I also feel grateful that I didn't miss that moment.  Sometimes, I'm not present to them and I miss out by being "busy."

Did you have an unexpected "Mommy/Daddy Moment" recently?  I'd love to hear it!

Jen Starks, Owner
www.ecologicalbabies.com
 ecologicalbabies@gmail.com 
574.275.1235

Listening: A lesson in Attachment Parenting

"Prayer begins by listening, God speaks in the silence of your hearts and we speak from the fullness of our hearts.  I listen, God speaks.  I speak, God listens.  This listening, speaking is prayer."

-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I don't usually post religious content but I'm a huge fan of Mother Teresa and today is a holy day called Ash Wednesday (for us Catholics).  While I was reading this quote to kick off our long  journey of repentance, I realized that this was a great message for those of us who practice attachment parenting. I'm going to rephrase this quote to show you what I mean:

"Attachment parenting begins by listening, my children speak in the silence of their hearts and we speak from the fullness of our hearts.  I listen, my child speaks. I speak, my children listen.  This listening, speaking is attachment parenting." 

 -My version 

Too often, I don't listen to what my children are saying (especially in their nonverbal communication).  When this occurs, at least one of us ends up frustrated.  This is particularly challenging when our child is an infant or toddler and cannot tell us what they need or want with their words.  This is the time period, however, when it is even more important to listen to them!

Why don't I always listen?  For various reasons I suppose (desire for control, pride, being distracted, being tired, being disengaged).  When I do listen, life flows much better. Here's a great personal example.   We have the hardest time with transitions, especially going from our home to the car.  I just want to get in the car and go, but it can be a looooong process to move at my 4 and 2 y.o.'s pace.  If I rush this, then at least one of them are upset and I'm certainly frustrated.  By listening to Tyler (2 y.o.), I have learned that he doesn't like to leave when he is in the middle of something he was interested in at the moment (well, who doesn't?!). I've learned that if I allow him to bring some of what he is playing with into the car with him, he will most likely allow me to pick him up to bring him to the car.  

With my 4 y.o., she needs plenty of notice ahead of time.  She likes to pack a "purse" of things to have "just in case" and enjoys picking out shoes, accessories, coats, etc.  Like I said, I need to give her plenty of time. :)  I have learned that they both like to buckle the top buckle by themselves, except when Rita Clare (4 y.o.) wants me to "take care of her".  So, I've then learned to ask her ahead of time, if she wants to do it herself or for me to do it.  When I slow down, understand the process, and respect their needs, we are at peace.  Now I just have to work on incorporating this AND getting to places on time (my lenten promise)!

Engaging. Paying attention. Understanding.  

If you subscribe to the attachment parenting philosophy, then these are the key concepts. Heck, these should be key concepts for life, don't you think?   It's not always easy but it is certainly rewarding. 

What has your child been telling you recently?  Have you been listening?

Peace,

Jen

Jen Starks, Owner www.ecologicalbabies.comecologicalbabies@gmail.com 574.275.1235